The new rules of leadership start with emotional intelligence

Leadership has never been easy. Today there are additional challenges that make it increasingly difficult. Rapidly changing workplaces, employee stress, generational conflict, hybrid work arrangements, and growing calls for transparency all add extra layers that leaders have to contend with. In the past leaders relied on technical skills and authority that their titles granted. These are becoming less relevant and there are growing demands for leaders who are able to instill trust and inspire commitment, and have the people skills that are considered emotional intelligence. The ability to recognize, understand, and manage emotions in oneself and in others is the widely accepted definition of emotional intelligence. The old models of leadership that focus on controlling employees are losing favor in today’s workplace. Employees are looking for leaders with whom they can form strong, authentic human connections. More than just a salary and security, employees are looking for workplaces where they feel understood, respected, and valued. No longer satisfied with simply being a part of the organization, they want to be seen as individuals with their own personalities, skills, and lives outside of the workplace. They also want workplaces where they are free and safe to express their ideas, take some risks, and question the status quo. Every solid relationship is built on trust, in the workplace or elsewhere. Leaders with high levels of emotional intelligence understand that trust can be built through increased self-awareness and reacting with honesty and authenticity in difficult situations. Jamie Shapiro, an organizational psychologist and executive coach who is CEO of Connected EC, puts it this way: “Trust is built through the behaviors that leaders model every day and their willingness to show appropriate vulnerability.” Instead of resorting to fear-based actions such as intimidation, these leaders act with fairness and respect. As a result, they win more respect and discretionary effort from their reports. One of the cornerstone aspects of emotional intelligence is empathy. It is the ability to understand what others may be going through, even though we may not agree with them. This ability is at the core of developing strong and lasting connections with others. Shapiro explains: “Our research shows the heart of team performance is connection, and it comes down to two questions people are always asking—can I trust you, and do you care about me? When the answer to both is yes, connection grows.” Leaders who have developed this attribute will form stronger bonds with their people that translate into less turnover and stronger loyalty. In my book, Emotional Intelligence Game Changers: 101 Simple Ways to Win at Work+Life, I delve deeper into what leaders can do to earn trust. We know that a major reason that employees leave organizations is not that they have a conflict with the organization itself, but with a manager. Managers who lack empathy create conflict, disengagement, and a toxic workplace culture. Of the emotional intelligence skills needed by leaders, empathy is one of the most important. “People have a fundamental need to be seen, heard, and acknowledged,” Shapiro says. “Empathy is key to how leaders can move from managing tasks to leading humans and meeting that need.” Disagreement and conflict in organizations are inevitable. How they are handled makes the difference between dysfunctional organizations and those that thrive. Leaders who are open, empathic, and able to share their own vulnerabilities feel less threatened by conflict and see it as an opportunity for creating deeper understanding and engagement among their employees. They view disagreements as a sign that people want to be involved and heard. They see lack of feedback from their employees as the real danger, indicating disengagement and/or a fear of speaking out. “Speaking candidly with care is how teams reach their highest levels of performance,” states Shapiro. Leaders who model and encourage open communication, empathy, and vulnerability are in an ideal position to help develop these attributes throughout the organization. When their employees feel safe to share their ideas, speak up, and challenge what they don’t agree with, they will feel a stronger connection to the organization. In this time of rapid technological change and AI disruption, leaders need emotional intelligence skills that will create the connections that result in healthier workplaces. These skills are crucial to the development of effective teams and workplaces that will thrive.