Hate your job, but can’t quit? Try this

In a decade and a half of working as a therapist, I’ve met a lot of smart, creative people who feel capable of more, if only they could figure out where to direct their energy. These restless souls (and I count myself among them) believe that we should work the same way we engage in life: fully and passionately. While the drive to learn and grow often serves us, it can also lead to stagnation. Most people see two options: (1) quitting or (2) sticking it out for the paycheck (“acting your wage”). Yet, there’s a third way where we can put our restlessness to good use while showing up with presence and finding more fulfillment in the work we’re doing right now. Get honest about what truly matters to you Those who often feel restless usually have many different interests and talents. But fulfillment doesn’t come from doing it all. It comes from alignment. Just because you’re good at something doesn’t mean you have to make it into a career, or even a hobby. Sometimes we excel at things out of habit, upbringing, or external validation, yet they don’t necessarily bring us purpose or fit into the picture of what we want for our life. I recently had a high-achieving client who was reevaluating his career path. He was experiencing a conflict between what he wanted and the logical and expected next step in his career. He was named valedictorian of his class, went to Ivy League institutions for two degrees, and landed a job only someone with his credentials could secure. Yet, after having a child, he felt overwhelmed with the demands of his job. He wanted a better work-life balance, yet he was having trouble getting off the path he had worked so hard to be on. His identity was tied to the validation he had received for his success, from peers, family, and his job. We began to reevaluate how his values had shifted. I encouraged him to get honest about what he wanted for this next phase of life—separate from societal messages about success and the narrative he had created about who he was supposed to be. He identified ways he could step back in his current role as he planned for bigger changes down the line. Alignment begins with understanding what you value most, and then finding ways to bring more of that into the work you’re already doing. Stick With It Long Enough to See What Happens Sometimes restlessness is a message something needs to shift and other times, it’s a distraction from improving what we already have. It’s easier to fantasize about leaving instead of having an uncomfortable conversation about changes you want or need. Instead of turning away from your current role, it’s worth first investigating how you might bring more satisfaction into it. When we continually jump from position to position, it can feel like a hundred mini-failures piling up. Angela Duckworth’s classic research on grit taught us that perseverance is a greater predictor of success than talent or even IQ. Duckworth found that sticking with a task builds mastery, which in turn boosts confidence. This doesn’t mean staying forever at a job that doesn’t suit you; it simply means giving it a real chance before deciding what’s next. So, before you drop your current role in favor of a shiny new opportunity, consider: Can I find value in following my current path? Visualize What’s Next Where you are now may not be the perfect job, but it may be the perfect stepping stone for your next move. So where are you heading? Sometimes it helps to back into our goals—that is, to consider where you want to be in five or ten years and make decisions about your more immediate future based on those answers. Research has found that by simulating future events, we can anticipate forthcoming goals and needs, allowing us to change our current environment to adapt to where we’re heading. If you’re not sure or are having trouble choosing between competing options, visualization can help with that, too. Set aside some quiet time, and picture yourself in your ideal work scenario. Consider the following questions: What would the environment look like, including the company culture and coworkers? What would your ideal schedule be, and what goals would you be working toward? What kind of work would feel meaningful and in line with my values? How would you feel when you’ve finished work for the day, and what would your work-life balance look like? Jot down the answers to these questions, and then reflect: Within the future you envisioned, what matters most to you? Restlessness isn’t always a signal to make a big change. Sometimes it’s pointing to smaller edits—getting clear on what you value, taking on a personal initiative at work, or learning a skill you’ve been interested in developing. The gap between where you are now and where you hope to be is often smaller than it feels on a Monday morning at 9 a.m.