Caregivers should not have to lie to prove compassion

“Why not just stay in your lane and focus on caregivers?”A listener to my radio program for family caregivers reached out recently with that question. He appreciated the program, he said, but felt troubled when I “went political.” Then he added, “I reached out because I thought you would listen.”People retreat from politics because the noise exhausts them. But avoiding politics and refusing to morally examine the world unfolding around us are not the same thing.Fair enough. So I did. I listened while doing dishes and folding laundry because that is caregiver life. Then he asked what I thought.I spend my days speaking with families navigating catastrophic injury, dementia, trauma, chronic illness, memory care centers, prosthetics, bureaucratic failure, and exhaustion. Caregivers do not have the luxury of pretending reality is negotiable. Family caregivers now provide more than 1 trillion worth of unpaid care annually in the United States. We sit at kitchen tables staring at medical bills, insurance statements, pharmacy receipts, and impossible spreadsheets while trying to keep another human being alive, safe, and cared for.We pinch pennies. We know what groceries cost, but we also know the price of wound care supplies. We know what one wheelchair repair can do to a monthly budget. Meanwhile, we keep discovering billions in taxpayer dollars flowing through fraud and “quality learing centers” bilking people already struggling to pay the IRS.Caregivers notice things like that because caregiving quickly introduces a person to reality. So yes, I have become exasperated watching people in power lecture the country about “compassion” while families quietly drown at their kitchen tables.Recently, I was at a cancer center preparing for prostate treatment. Before I reached the medical history section, the form opened with questions asking what sex I identify as and what sex I was assigned at birth. I sat there staring at the page for a moment and thought: This whole trans movement seems built for virtue signaling until “she/her” has to get “her” prostate checked.Prostate cancer does not care how I identify.Then I asked the caller a question: “Which political worldview do you think put that language on that form?” When a civilization loses the ability to say plainly what a man or woman is, even inside medicine, something foundational has broken.My wife lost both legs after years of struggling with catastrophic injuries from a car accident decades ago. Not once did either of our sons say, “I think I should amputate my leg to look like Mom.” Had they done so, I would have sought psychiatric help immediately. If a physician had offered to remove healthy body parts from a confused child, I would have reported that doctor immediately.Again, I asked the caller, “Which political party aligned itself with removing healthy body parts from children?” In his silence, I pressed further: “And you’re wondering why I’m not staying in my lane?”I told him I am not here to carry water for the Republican Party. But right now, only one major political movement seems increasingly hostile to objective, biological, and theological reality. That matters to caregivers because we deal in reality every day.I asked him point-blank, “What do you actually like about the Democratic Party?” He repeated a phrase I have heard for years: “Democrats seem to be the party that cares.” The word “seem” leapt out.RELATED: What my colonoscopy taught me about stewardship Benjavisa/iStock/Getty ImagesSo I asked what exactly was caring about any of this. What is caring about allowing millions of illegal immigrants to overwhelm already strained schools, hospitals, and social systems while corporations benefit from cheap labor and America absorbs the consequences? What is caring about enabling addiction and destructive behavior? What is caring about encouraging irreversible medical interventions for confused children? What is caring about demanding that citizens deny biological reality to prove compassion?Political parties do not care. They exist to wield power. Government’s role is not to love us. Its role is to preserve equal justice, protect liberty, and provide conditions where citizens can work, worship, raise families, and pursue opportunity. That is very different from emotional branding.I also shared the moment something changed for me as a broadcaster. I watched Barack Obama stand before Planned Parenthood as president of the United States and say, “God bless Planned Parenthood.” I remember thinking: Which God? The God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob? The God who said, “You shall not murder?I asked the caller, who professed Christianity, “How do you shake hands with that?” He said he agreed with much of what I said. “How would anyone know?” I asked. “I guess I have to say something,” he replied. “And that’s what I do on my show.”Then, I asked him to name one major idea currently being advanced by Democrats that he believed would genuinely strengthen the country. “They’re not in power,” he protested. “Ideas are power,” I countered. “Give me one. Not opposition to Donald Trump. An actual idea.”Finally, he admitted, “I can’t think of anything, and I haven’t been paying attention to the news.”I told him, “You have my number. If you come up with one major idea being advanced by Democrats that makes you say, ‘This is genuinely good for America,’ let me know, and I’ll talk about it on my program.”People retreat from politics because the noise exhausts them. I understand that. But avoiding politics and refusing to morally examine the world unfolding around us are not the same thing. I do not drift into politics for sport. I was preparing for prostate cancer treatment when politics invaded the top of the questionnaire.Caregivers deal with reality every single day.And in the exam room, reality should have the last word.