Cape Verde Defeats Spain, 0-0

This was the moment when Gianni Infantino, the grubby little cash slag who runs FIFA, could have made himself a noble and even admirable human being in the eyes of a world that absolutely knows he would lick an alley clean for 10 bucks. And of course, he passed on it because he checked his Venmo and nothing new was in the queue. All he had to do was announce that Cape Verde's 0-0 draw with Spain (yeah, you read that right) was actually a win, and the Tubaroes Azuis (a cool name on its face) would be awarded the three points that would have come with a victory. Because it was. An enormous victory. Bigger in its way than the Knicks winning the NBA title. In fact, something far closer to your local community college's team winning the NBA title. Instead, and the standings continue to prove this no matter how many times we refresh the page, all they got was the traditional one point for not losing their nation's first ever World Cup match, which came against one of the favorites to win the whole thing. That's a miscarriage of justice of the first magnitude, and Infantino is still, well, you know.