You’re Not a Monkey’s Uncle
March 29, 2026
Conservative Review
I know nothing about primate anthropology, but I did know a primate anthropologist. She took me into the rainforests of southern Uganda, where we spent several afternoons lurking in the shrubbery and watching a troop of chimpanzees. When we got too close to the mothers and babies, the males chimped out. They got up on their hind legs, bared their teeth, howled like extras from Tarzan, and started bounding toward us.
To avoid a savaging, we mimicked subordinate chimpanzee behavior. This requires no scientific expertise, though experience of male pattern baldness may help. You look down in shame and repeatedly stroke your pate from back to front as though trying to glue down the strands of a combover in a high wind. If that doesn’t work, run your other hand over your eyes and nose as though wiping that smirk off your simian face before you make one of the alphas come down there and do it for you.The post You’re Not a Monkey’s Uncle appeared first on .
Conservative Review
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